| Yay!!! |
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| 11:24pm 29/12/2008 |
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I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, this is new for me and I really like him and he really likes me. And his name is Matt, and his nickname is Fox.
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| Well well well |
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| 02:24pm 20/08/2007 |
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Let's see... Haven't updated in a while and I'm glad to say that I'm stable now. Yay! I bought a cross from the ren fair yesterday. It's just a plain, black, iron cross, but I almost feel tied to it. It has an awesome story behind it too. Aaron was working the armoror's booth at the fair this year, so we went to visite him. He said "You can't afford anything in here execpt a cross. But you'ld like the story, go read it." So he pushed me over to the story and I read it. That's what made me buy a cross. You see, this kind of cross was made for the Crusaders out of scrap iron, because all the presious metals were going to finance the wars. The solders would wear the crosses under their armor and they would rust in their sweat, leaving a stain. This mark remained even if they were captured by the Muslims and striped of everything. The mark of their faith remained with them. That's romantic, and beautifull and just plain nice. So I went up to Aaron and said "Sell me a cross." To which he replied, "Ooookay, ... buy a cross." Again I said, "Sell me a cross," but this time I gave him the $10. "Okay," he said as he picked one out for me and put it around my neck, "sold!" And he kind of ran away. It was funnEEEEEEEy. Yay weird friends and history fettish! |
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| Yayness for being able to reminisce |
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| 10:20pm 21/05/2007 |
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Jason and Manda moving to Sumack is awesome! It's right smack dab in the middle of my child-hood memories. Thus, my father cannot deny me the emence pleasure of seeing my friends when they are this close. That being said, don't worry, I'll spend most of my time in the woods. I'll show anyone who wants to see them the way we did, but there is no obligation to go with me or to entertain me whilst I am there. I can do that myself, I was for 10 years ... |
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| 08:44pm 14/05/2007 |
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<center><table border="1" width="355" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" name="qutable2">
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<font size="+2">You prefer Spontaneous sex!</font><br />
<br />You're into spontaneous sex. Anywhere, any time the mood takes you. Just be careful that your sexcapades don't land you in a (ahem) tight spot.<br /><br />
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<table name="qgtable" width="350" height="350" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" border="0" style='background: url(http://img.quizuniverse.com/best-sex-bg.jpg); background-repeat: no-repeat;'>
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<td valign="top" align="left" border="0"><img src="http://img.quizuniverse.com/locator.gif" border="0" /></td>
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</table>
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<td align="center" border="0">
<a href="http://www.quizuniverse.com/quiz.php?id=49">'What is the best type of sex for you?'</a> at <a href="http://www.quizuniverse.com">QuizUniverse.com</a>
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</table></center> |
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| I not ... |
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| 12:08am 12/05/2007 |
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So, what I'm I not good enough for you? Am I too good? I never try to hurt anyone, try being the oprative word, but still. I don't mean to when I do and I do feel sorry. If I really wanted to get uber caought up in myspace drama I would send this to you, but you know what? I just need to get it out of my system. Aaron, I know you're not reading this right now, and I doubt any of this will ever reach your ears. You hurt me. I have never been hurt like that before. It's not the myspace thing. I could really care less about this stupid site. I could. I use it to comunicate with friends I don't see often and my sister and cousins. But regardless of all that, you hurt me. I chose you over Brian. WHY DID I CHOOSE YOU OVER BRIAN!?!?!?!? It's a question that can never be answered. I am officially atributing a fair number of my mental problems to you. You fail to see that beating around the bush is a wast of time. Either one of us could be dead tomarow, and then where does being cryptic get you. You can blame Dan for that realization. Yet, I digress. I chose you. I had to walk on eggshells on the person I thought would be my friend for years. It is partly your fault that we are curently not speaking. Thank you. Your words drive me to either get angry or suisidal. I don't want to die. I don't want to kill. I don't want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and have you hate me for it. You are being a dick. I try to be a good friend. I try to be there for everyone. That includes you. I made you two promices that I have never made anyone else at the same time. If you don't remeber what they are, then you are less of a man than I though you were. I however, will not go back on my word. I will hold true to those promices. If someone does tell you to read this, remeber, I rarely ask for anything from you but to listen. I suppose that's my biggest issue with you. You never just listen. You always have to give your input. Sometimes all people need is to just talk. I didn't talk all through high school, and now I'm making up for it. I have things to say. I try to get my point accross as best I can. Understanding is the key to any relationshipl. I think I understand you better than you understand me. You don't understand why I don't have much life expierance and you don't seem to think I have any kind of wisdom. You are dead wrong. I learn form history. My parents, my sister, my friends. I look at their past mistakes and decisions and I see. I see what I might do. But you seem to think the only way to gain any street smarts is through experience. It certianly helps, no doubt about it, but it's not just that. I have seen things through my father's eyes. I have seen things through the eyes of my mother. My sister's eyes are mine as well. What one of us knows, so does the other. It's different for me. I'm not... like you. I can't be like you, and I think, somewhere inside, you want me to. You once told me that I was one of your best friends. I don't take that kind of thing lightly. You hurt me when you said that. I have an obligation to you now. I have that obligation to anyone who refers to me as one of their "best friends". That's why you have never been one of mine. I hope you get something out of this if you do stumble accross it. To the rest of you mysterious readers, I hope you see something in it too. I'm mostly just writing out my ass here, so ask if you need clarification... Or not. Whatever I don't care right now. |
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| I want to cry |
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| 10:59am 11/05/2007 |
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mood:  freaked out
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I messed up. I missed my geology final. I'm going to try to see if my professor will let me make it up. I e-mailed her. I hope she gets the message and lets me do something. |
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| Please tell me what you think... |
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| 05:49pm 09/05/2007 |
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mood:  creative
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If I could have one thing (Peace)
If I could have one thing Would it be this Would it be you I used to think I would love you forever Now I'm not so sure
If I could have one thing Do you think that I'd want you Or would you rather believe in a lie If it was a lie Was it a lie Were you ever true
Right now the only thing I want the only thing I need is Peace In my head So I can sleep So I can sleep
And I thought It was you All along But I was wrong It was never ever you It was never ever him
But what if the what ifs Killed us both and we were dead What would you say to me What would I retort back Would it be worth the heartache To see you again
Right now the only thing I want the only thing I need is Peace In my head So I can sleep So I can sleep
I miss you Do you miss me too I really to know It's just to hard to write these songs In my head
I need you here In my own heart And I need you now More than ever before I am scared Of what I made myself
Right now the only thing I want the only thing I need is Peace In my head So I can sleep So I can sleep
If you don't hear me If you don't listen You've sealed my doom I can't go back I will refuse To live thru that again
Right now the only thing I want the only thing I need is Peace In my head So I can sleep So I can sleep I'm dying to sleep |
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| 07:29pm 05/05/2007 |
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mood:  trying to be happy
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My mom saw my 11th grade english teacher the other day... so apearently, I shouldn't be a math/science major. I should write. I don't know how good a writer I am. Sure, I'm not bad by any means, but could I make it as any kind of writer? I don't know.
On the up side, atleast I know people who should know what makes a good writer thinks that's what I should be doing for the rest of my life...
But on to other things...
So, I have desided to be happy this summer, no matter what. No that will not be the only emotion I feel, but I plan on it being the one that caries over to the fall. Maybe I will take up the mantel of amiture writer. I'll have to start doing research, though, and that could be problimatic, as I am a lazy bum. Ah, well. I have no idea. OOOOO! I've got it! I'll write a story!!!! I have enough crazyness in my head for that! Perhaps it will actually work in my favor this time!!!!!! |
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| 03:54pm 28/04/2007 |
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mood:  lost
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So, I have taken to writing songs. Not suprising since I am in a band. But I find myself wanting. I have lost someting in the past month, and it saddens me. I was in love. Very much so. And now I'm not. It is a relief, a weight lifted off my sholders. Yet, even through that sence of calm, I feel something is missing. When I fell out of love, a void cracked my heart. Where that feeling was, there is nothing. Nothing. I cannot fill it, either, I've tried. I don't know what to do or how to act anymore. I am lost. I don't know what will happen. I don't know how to fill the void. I'm over him now, but I'm not over the fallout. I'm still dealing with it. He's still one of my closest friends, but he's different, somehow. Things between us seem tense at times, streched, like butter spread ofer too much bread. I ... I don't know what to do. |
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| lol |
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| 10:47pm 27/02/2007 |
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<center><table background="#FFFFFF" border="0" width="350" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" style="border: 1px solid black; background-repeat: no-repeat">
<tr><td align="center"><font size="+1">You'll die from a Heart Attack during Sex.</font><br /><br /></td></tr>
<tr><td align="center">Your a lover not a fighter but sadly, in the act of making love your heart will stop. But what a way to go.<br /><br /></td></tr>
<tr height="350"><td>
<table style="border: 1px solid black" name="qgtable" width="350" height="350" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" border="0" background="http://img.quizgalaxy.com/howwillyoudie-bg.jpg">
<tbody><tr height="280"><td width="164"></td><td></td></tr><tr><td></td><td valign="top" align="left" border="0"><img src="http://img.quizgalaxy.com/locator.gif" border="0" /></td></tr></tbody>
</table>
</td></tr>
<tr height="30"><td align="center" border="0"><a href="http://www.quizgalaxy.com/quiz.php?id=165">'How will you die?'</a> at <a href="http://www.quizgalaxy.com">QuizGalaxy.com</a></td></tr>
</table></center> |
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| Of bite marks and uncomfortable situations ... |
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| 02:03pm 27/02/2007 |
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mood:  uncomfortable
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I got hit on/ asked out today. It was uncomfortable and I hope he just forgets about me in that way. Considering I still have blood blisters from Friday night, I really think this would be the best action for all involved. He's a nice enough guy, but I just don't like him in that way. I hate turning people down. It sucks to see the look on their faces. But I do realise that it would be better than leading them on and hurting them later. Oh well. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Lent! |
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| 07:41pm 21/02/2007 |
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mood:  calm
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Lent, my friends, is now officialy upon us. I have just this morning desided what to give up. I amm giving up drama. Wish me luck! ... Cause I'm gonna need it. |
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| A bitter and sad anti valentines poem |
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| 07:26pm 20/02/2007 |
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mood:  bouncy
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This was just a poem I did and the Anti VD party at the library. I thought it was fun (to do) so on the spur of the moment, I desided to post it! It was written with, and I kid you not, conversation hearts. Five of them. The rest is just built around it. It came in second place!!! Of course, so did everyone elses execpt for Rachel's. She won first. Anyway, here it is (the conversation heart parts are underlined)!!!
How nice, you e-mail me.
I smile.
Contact with him is like magic, but you don't understand.
Got love?
Yes, but not for now, but later.
No, it's him that I choose.
You knew that before and again.
You knew I made my choise.
You e-mail me.
I smile.
Until I read ...
The end. |
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| I'm an idiot |
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| 07:55pm 18/02/2007 |
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I said things that should have remained locked in my head, and I am sorry. I do not, however, take the blame for anything, nor do I lay blame on anyone (and I mean ANYONE) else who happened to be involved. It happened. There's nothing we can do to change it, so we might as well move on with our lives, breakdowns aside. I will say, for thoes of you that acctually see me on a regular basis, that I am not in a good mental state right now and I appologize for anything I might say or do in the next few weeks. For the one persone who doesn't want to deal with me, I am human, and I do make mistakes. I am sorry for the mistakes I have made with you, but chances are we will have to deal with eachother in the future. I refuse to give up my other friendships for you. That being said, I will probably see you at some point... Hopefully we will be mature enough to be civil to eachother. I'm going to go breakdown again and read fanfics now... |
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| The End (WTF!!!!) (also posted on MySpace) |
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| 05:41pm 13/02/2007 |
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mood:  pissed off
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kelsey,
By the fact that you have still been emailing me, I can see that you didn't
fully understand my previous email.
Our relationship was inescince a lie and is for all intensive end nonintencive
purposes compleatly over. You played with me and although you think you came out
unscathed, you lost. Get through your head that life is not run like highschool
in politics or social life.
Take this end as an eye opening experience and with a new resolve to take your
head out of you ass.
good bye
Brian Daniel Spadaro
What the fuck is that? Is that anyway to end a friendship with someone? I would never sink to this level, and I would have never have thought he would either. He didn't say anything before he left, which would have been the right thing to do. He didn't even call. It's not my fault he acted too late. I can't help his actoins, and I refuse to take responsibality. I didn't play any games. I didn't know that whatever we had was a lie. I'm sorry I fell for the wrong persone, but I did, and every time I get a little of that happieness back, it always seems that he rips it away. I am godamnmotherfucking SICK of this. I had no life in highschool. I don't look at things through the eyes of social politics. Maybe I'm weird because of that, I don't know. What I do know is that I can't take this anymore, and I really wish people would stop this kind of thing. Not just Brian. I have no other way to get this out there, and yes, I intend to post it where he can see it. Infact I might just e-mail it to him, wouldn't that be fun? I think so. I will. Yes, and you know what, maybe then he can learn to grow up, but probably not... |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| I wonder ... |
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| 06:44pm 08/02/2007 |
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Do people ever read these things? I rarely (sp?) get comments, but maybe that's just because I can count the number for lj friends I have on one hand ... I don't know, but I'm kinda pissed, but don't worry! Those who need to know why will, and the rest of you can sleep peacefully! yayness! |
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